Self reflection.
Today is my special day. 15th of March; combined with fresh air, Holy month, Friday, and the warmth of my family. MasyaAllah, praise be to Allah for His immense blessing so I can be able to live and enjoy life till today.
Despite of many ups and downs in life, I’m so grateful for everything that Allah has taught me in every process. I believe that every experience, person I met, failure, or hurt in life is actually giving me valuable lessons to grow.
In this new age, I still feel like “a little kid” and sometimes I refuse become adult. Yeah, because adulting means holding new responsibility. In this mid 20s I almost gave up because life hit me so hard. Only with His help, I can manage my emotions and embrace self resilience to perform well in my path. So I think there are some points that I want to share about life lessons from my quarter century journey. I pray may this be of benefit.
1.Performing Sabr (patience)
The very first point I want to share is about sabr. It’s the difficult one, the challenging one, and the longest process I have to encounter. At first, I didn’t really understand the meaning of sabr and how to manage it. But, along the journey, life humbles me. According to the Prophet (pbuh), there are 3 kinds of sabr: sabr to accept your qadr (fate), sabr in obeying your God’s rules, and sabr in avoiding ma’siyat.
I contemplate and overthink about it because finally I know that everything is make sense. The past experiences that I have passed are actually teach me those 3 kinds of sabr.
For example, when I failed to be admitted in medical school, I have to deal with it for almost 4 years. Finally now I can be at peace and enjoy my studying at nursing school. I trust that my goal is the same; to help people. But the way to get there is just different from my first plan.
The second one is when I decided to join halaqa with my ustadha, I started to learn Islam deeply to be a better muslimah since I was 17 years old. I remember how it was very difficult for me; to replace my bad habits, wearing syar’i hijab, forced myself to attend Islamic course and learn “kitab mutabanat” which is all in Arabics. Or when I have to leave haram things like dating, attending live concert, watching movies at cinemas, avoid ikhtilat and khalwat, etc. Those things feel so weird at first and I should keep myself istiqomah because I didn’t want to get punishment from my mentor. But now, alhamdulillah I really enjoy my peaceful life with those kind of habits, not just because it’s commanded by my mentor, but I have to do that for the sake of Allah. So, sabr in obeying Allah is really challenging and frustating. But, at the end we will finally feel the tranquility.
And the third, it’s about my secret that many people don’t even know. When I learned Islam, I got new knowledge and my ustadha encouraged me to practice it well because if I didn’t do that, my ‘ilm will become in waste. I tried, I trieeed so hard, but oftentimes, I got failed. I did sins either minor or major. I was dzalim to myself. I found it really hard when we have known that certain thing is haraam but we still want to do it because of curiousity. I’ve fallen in love with someone that I can’t have and got depressed for some years because of my wrong actions, sometimes I lie, or anything that I can’t mention here. But after those mistakes, I learn how beautiful Allah protects me and guides me. In every repentance, I’m shy, but He is always there to embrace me and heal my wounds. MasyaAllah. I will never survive till today without His Mercy.
So, no matter how great the sins you’ve commited, always repent. He’s waiting, He’ll not punish you as long as you repent sincerely. I also learn that even we have known our God is very kind, we should not take it for granted and “play” with His syari’ah. Avoid sins as much as you can (mastatho’tum) and fear Allah for His justice in the hereafter.
2. The biggest enemy is my own nafs
Similar with previous story, commited sins is a big deal that I should not repeat anymore. I finally understand that sinning is leading to suffering. Either physically suffer, emotionally, or mentally. The healing process will never easy. I’ve been there to seek help from my psychologist, asking many scholars to pray for me, losing weights, sick, losing many chances, losing money and time, etc. Don’t ever do that even just once. We should go back to the best guidance (Al Qur’an). Read it well and understand the meaning.
I learn that whatever happens in our life, the most important thing is what we act or response. We have to do good things, not transgressed ourselves, not hurting others, and choose calmness. If another person hurt us, it’s their own business with God. We just need to control our response. Including controlling our nafs, we shouldn’t give it “a red carpet” in our life. Even shaytaan whisper us so many times, if we could control ourselves, those whispers will not bring any effect to our life.
3. Realizing the perfect protections & mercy from Allah
After so many sins and betrayals, I tried to go back to Allah. The One who understands me more than any creatures in this world. The One who never judge me for my mistakes, and The One who still giving me new opportunities and hide my sins. I can’t explain this part by words because I will always speechless for His kindness to me. InshaAllah I will never oppose Your commands again, my Allah. Give mercy on me.
4. Trusting His plans
There are so many uncertainty in life. As a planner, I always make plans for my future. But when it comes to failure, I have to deal with it in a long time. But now, I think I have to shift my focus & paradigm. Trusting Allah as the best planner and don’t be too frustrated with this temporary life. The ultimate goal of this life is to seek His pleasure. Indeed, my prayer, my struggle, my life, and my death, is just for Allah.
5. Self respect & self love
The concept of self love in Islam is protecting ourself from the hellfire. It means we have to avoid sins and obey His rules. We can be happy and enjoy our life without disobeying God. Just like what Ustadz Felix said, “taat pasti bahagia, maksiat pasti sengsara.” The tagline always popped up in my mind whenever I have an intention to do bad things.
Having self respect means stay true and strict to my own values. The values that come from Islamic aspects and legal norms. I will never settle for less, focus on my self growth, and become the best version of me.
So, maybe that’s all the 5 valuable lessons from my contemplation this morning. Hopefully we can be a better muslim and reach the highest rank of Jannah. Aameen ♡
