The art of detachment.
I’ve been struggling to detach from everything that makes me down, especially about love. Love before halal (marriage) will always make our mental get suffered. Let’s understand about love itself.
The interaction between man and woman is naturally separated in public life. If they do some acts like chats, calls, meet up, etc, just in private, of course it will lead them to do shaytaan’s trick and zinaa. However, love actually grows with certain processes.
Arabic has at least 11 words for love and each of them conveys a different stage in the process of falling in love. For example, the word ‘hawa’ describes the initial attraction or inclining of the soul or mind towards another. The term comes from the root word ‘h-w-a’ — a transient wind that can rise and fall. This attraction could be from physical appearance, wealth, character, kindness, the way he speaks, etc.
Next, ‘alaqaa’ which comes from the root (‘a-l-q) which means to cling on to. It’s the stage where the heart begins to attach itself to the beloved. The signs are missing someone when they’re apart, can’t be far away from beloved, always attach to him/her wherever and whenever, trying to get the news about the beloved so that the communication becomes very intense.
The next stage is the love evolved into a blind desire ‘ishq’ and all consuming love ‘shaghaf’. That means the lover will put so much efforts to make the beloved happy. They can sacrifice everything either money, time, status, etc. And also they will be blinded with the negative sides of the beloved. Although the red flag signs are very clear, they don’t care about it and just go enjoying the relationship that has begun.
And the last stage of falling in love is ‘huyum’, it describes the complete loss of reason. She/he will love someone unconditionally no matter how bad he/she is. No matter the circumstance they’re facing.
So, that’s why if someone has attached to the beloved before marriage, and they can’t be together for several reasons, it will lead them to feel broken heart. It’s very sucks and tempting. Their life will be depressed and the body get sick. There’s no cure except Allah’s will and time.
Thus, attachment is very dangerous for everyone. The consequences are very bad in short term and long term. We can’t delete the past, so make sure we always choose to do good.
Syeikha Haifa Younis told us, “when you’re attached to people, you will become weak. When you’re attached to Allah, you will become strong because you’re attached to the Most Strong.”
Everybody who experiences this kind of heart broken should believe that he could get over it. Try to learn from it and do not play with fire anymore.
In this dunya, Allah has warned us to avoid zina in Qur’an surah Al Isra’ verse 32. Be careful to our act because every act will be asked in the Yaumil Akhir.
Now I understand, that a good love is love that can bring you closer to Allah. And the bad one is love that can make you far from Allah.
May Allah keep our hearts from attachment to everything in this dunya. Because actually, we own nothing. Every single thing is Allah’s. Make sure that we put our love for Allah first.
